A Word From The Other Parsimonious Chef...: Who Says Baggage Ain't Always Bad? Her Perspective..White Cocoa with Chocolate Covered Marshmallows

"Top Hat" - Chocolate Covered Marshmallow

Yes women are quite different than men, for one we don't go to bed angry and wake up hoping to get lucky off morning breath and a poke in the back b/c you need to use the damn bathroom...While as a young lady I may have fantasized about Prince Charming, that notion was quickly dismissed when Little Tommy Timpson put gum in my hair and punched me in my stomach all on the same day in the 3rd grade. Oh, by the way, My Prince wore cream and not white and he lived until I outgrew that dumb ass notion. It's of little matter to me or us women when you guys choose to mature, we are going to get you there by molding you into what we want and or need anyway. Nevermind that we like your style, diction, sharp mindedness or whatever else 1st attracted us to you. It won't be enough so You Will Be Molded, got it? Enough of that though....

Apparently Mr. Parsimony , (WTF does that mean anyway, Pretentious ass?) had his turn at bat sharing his perspective and now here is the truth. The one thing that old Parsiphony has right is the fact that nothing can prepare you for a date like this. Predecessors nor maturity can explain the fact that what some men find interesting women just find as sadly laughable and almost forgettable. As far as the spurts go, sounds like body fluids and we won't be sharing those anyway! You were not the one plain and simple. Allow me to take you back in time to my longest, cheapest and most regrettable date ever! The real issue here isn't just perspective, it's reality, his vs THE truth which happens to be my version of events.....

He called at the booty call hour 1000 pm or later on that ~~fatal~~ fateful night. I'm sitting there thinking this has got to be one of my girls or dude from last night. I answered the phone to hear this gruff Barry White wannabe, breathing all hard in the damn phone talking bout "What you got on girl?". I think I said grandma draws and combat boots to get him off that tactic immediately. He's got some nerve calling the conversation awkward. What else would it be when the next thing out of his mouth is the type of lotion he got on his nightstand? I mean really WTF?? That 10 minute tete a tete seemed like an hour of my life that I was never going to appreciate nor get back.

He, not we, decided to go see Boomerang and had the nerve to try to talk while the movie was playing, which is one of my pet peeves. As I remember it, dinner was a burnt hotdog, stale popcorn and he tried to get a jumbo Cherry Coke with one straw so I doubled back and got my own small Orange Fanta. There was absolutely no way I was sharing a straw with those soup coolers. After it was apparent that watching the movie wasn't his thing (nosey ass, inappropriate question asking ne'er do well). I decided to ditch him early by trying the old "I gotta use the bathroom for about an hour trick!" To his credit and my dismay he sniffed this out as I grabbed my coat, bag and dignity and made a break for it. By the time I hit the theatre exit there he was talking bout "Word Up? "We rolling early huh Babe?" I was dumbfounded and at a loss so I decided to just roll with it. I decided to let him pick the spot, I figured at least I can get liquored up and dull my senses so that I can deal for the night. What in the hell was I thinking? I should have cut my losses and severed ties at that moment. #1&Done... You know what I mean?

Not The Actual Spot But You Get The Point

We arrived to his spot. OMG do any of you remember the cartoon HoneyMousers and the club that the went to? Literally a hole in the wall... This place had lice, rats and salvation army blankets that had seen better salvation..... Really???? I noticed him staring at me trying to see if I was upset at him for bringing me to this obvious left damn turn. Then comes Becky. Did this chick just speak to my man like she knows him biblically? This tramp comes up with morning breath at midnight huffing over my man talking about, "Can I take your order Marky Mark?" I said, "What you can do is get out of me and my man's damn face!" She was smart and got the heck outta dodge but came back a bit later.

When Side Show Bob, urrrh ahh, I mean Becky came back to the cardboard box that we were huddled in she threw a ratty ass blanket and what seemed to be a sewing kit at us. I turned and there he is smiling at her like there's an inside joke that I'm outside on. I'm thinking to myself, "Boy you got one more time to cheese in this chick's face before it gets ugly!" and then he does it. This dude tries to order for me. This ain't the 60's brutha, I got here on my own and I will not end up pregnant and barefoot cooking for you and all of your kids. Please I am woman, hear me roar. "Becky Imma need a cup of White Cocoa." (Yes I did call her overly familiar ass Becky as I could care less what her real name was, we were not traveling in the same circles). Our drinks came and then him started talking again so I drifted off on his boring ass. I swear I woke up and caught he and Becky making out on more than one occasion and while I certainly wasn't breaking him off I might have taken exception to this blatant disrespect but I did spy Becky doing what I heard Becky's do so I just took notes and figured I'd add it to my repertoire for my husband when I get married. What was it again Becky? Hold the base, twist the head and glide the lips? Oh I digress. Having picked up enough notes I just pulled him closer to me to keep her thirsty ass at bay and it was cold as hell...... When we finally woke up about 5 hours later it wasn't just the sun that was rising, it was his Girbaud's.... And that was all that I could take. I broke the hell out and left his ass there. As I recall, it was raining and cold outside. That walk of shame was so not worth it in the end....

Rainy Days Ahead

Here's the part on reality, you as a man may think of conquest but as a woman I have had the maximum amount of peni (slang singular for penis) that I want inside of me for free so I'm not falling for the old banana in the tail pipe bit, K! Your slick words and "let me open up my wounded and battled scared heart" routine is not working on me. I guess you thought that by taking me off of the beaten path, I would think of you as eclectic but allow me to remind you that Skid Row is also found off of the beaten path Valentino. Do I look like a crack head to you? Basquiat may have fit right in here but his genius was recognized post drug induced death not while he was slumming it with the likes of these low brows. By the by, The only reason that I'm even thinking about your ass is because I read that bullshit you posted "Best Date Ever", like you have feelings. You are man and as a result empty, just live with it Other Parsnipmoney Chef... Now take that and put in in your dayum food processor, blend it down and cook it up. Baggage, you say? I say better to let sleeping dogs stay the hell sleep dude. Yeah women may be from Mars but who give's a fuch where men are from anyway? What I learned that night was how to keep my eventual husband happy thanks to our waitress and how to nod the hell off at a moments notice in order to avoid un-clever conversation. Oh yeah one last thing, reality bites and this bitch got teeth....

What you just read is complete satire and meant for entertainment only. Names have been changed (or not mentioned), words have been shared rather callously in hopes to draw your laughter. In no way was this made to demean women or men.. All I'm really saying is lighten up folks, we might be feeling you in ways that you just don't consider. It's truly amazing to me the way two people can have the same experience but see the polar opposite of one another. I'm not sure of the reasons why this happens except for to think that maybe we come in to a situation trying to prove why not instead of committing to take the time to prove why. It might just be worth the effort.

#stopruninfromwatUprayedupNda1stdamnplace

In actuality myself and the person mentioned in the original post did make it through that date and as I wrote it was very special. The two of us even dated for quite a while afterwards so this is not a slam on her. She was and continues to be incredible I'm sure and I bet you her husband thinks so as well..

White Cocoa

On the Menu today : White Cocoa with Chocolate Covered Marshmallows

For this we will need the following:

Milk (2 cups)
Heavy Cream (1 cup)
White Chocolate Chips (1/4 cup)
Vanilla (2 tsp)
Sugar (3 Tbs)
Cornstarch (1 Tbs)
Marshmallows (2 Per)
Bakers Chocolate (1/2 Bar)

Start by adding the milk, heavy cream, vanilla and sugar to a sauce pot and bringing to a slight boil. Next add the white chocolate chips and allow to cook for about 3 minutes. Stir in the cornstarch and allow to thicken. To make the chocolate for the marshmallow Simply bring a pot of water to a boil and place a glass or metal mixing bowl in the water allowing it to float on top. Add the chocolate and wait for it to start melting. Take a spoon to stir until smooth and completely melted. Take each marshmallow one at a time and dip them into the chocolate (using a toothpick keeps your hands from being messy) before allowing them to rest on a sheet pan to cool and harden. *The chocolate covering will melt in the hot cocoa so don't be alarmed at your chocolate mustache... Enjoy....